he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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