rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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