we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
