i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
