why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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