shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
