I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
