you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
