Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
