I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
