you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
