i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
