He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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