2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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