I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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