I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
