I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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