508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
