pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want her autograph on my taint
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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