I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
