Nicole vs. Life
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
