I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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