I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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