I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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