On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
