it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize