You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
