My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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