once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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