What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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