God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am one with the molecules
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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