My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do vagina's smell?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
