giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
