I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
