just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
then he tried to convert me to islam
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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