i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
