Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
