i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
