He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
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I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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