Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
