i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
