Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i love accidental penises.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
