You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.