Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive