I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.