Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
