Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
