We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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