You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
