Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
