I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
