We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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