You're completely useless in the revolution.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
