Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Bring me that man meat
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
