There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
