so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
