Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
