I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
NoShamevember. You game?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
