Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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