it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
