Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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