She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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