Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
