im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
