Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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