I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My vagina is officially offended.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
